Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize