Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Let the clothes fall where they may.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
