Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
