Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
