Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
