I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
