I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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