I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
