your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It was confusing and full of hummus
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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