I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
