I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
