the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
