if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I think we might need a safe word for this...
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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