You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
