Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
