Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
