oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize