who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
