When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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