don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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