cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize