whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
