I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
