i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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