I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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