ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize