why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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