u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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