Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
