So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
