Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
