hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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