They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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