How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
