you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
