So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize