So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
