Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
