oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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