I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
