thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
