how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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