lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
where are my eyebrows?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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