did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
