I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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