We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Randomize
