I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Randomize
