I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
