David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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