I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
