I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
