I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
