need another drink. this is the easiest way
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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