yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
