i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
