So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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