i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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