i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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