Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
