You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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