Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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