I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
