She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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