You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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