Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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