all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
