birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There r osticjed everywhere
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
