So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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