i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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