Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
