Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Are my feet made of real feet?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
