Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
